Failed Adoptions

Learn More About The Process Of Failed Adoptions

With quite a bit of recent research under our belt we discovered that there are not a lot of statistics offered on failed adoptions. We discovered one resource mention that nearly 6 to 11 percent of all domestic infant adoptions fail. Another resource listed that there is a 50 percent chance that each domestic infant adoption can fail. The reality is that adoption failures do happen and they happen for many different reasons.

Recent Adoption Failure

A recent birth mother decided to scam a family during the entire adoption process because she knew someone, who knew someone, who went through the adoption process. This particular person knew the ins and outs of the adoption journey. The problem was that she simply needed the money. However, her intentions the entire time were to keep her baby! What happens a majority of the time is that birth mothers decide to go in whole-heartedly with the decision that adoption is the best option. They then give birth to the baby and have split-second decisions that overtake rationale. Some of those involve thoughts like: “I can do this, I can take care of this child and I can be this child’s mommy”.

Failed Adoptions

The Unicorn & Maintaining Hope

Some adoptive families are lucky. Some families have the perfect birth mother scenario and adoption journey. We like to call this in our industry the “unicorn adoption process.” They get to bring home a sweet little baby while maintaining an amazing relationship with their birth mothers. The reality is, failed adoptions simply happen. The fact is that there are more than 18,000 families that have successfully adopted newborn babies in the United States each year and most families will successfully adopt within two years of beginning the process even with a failed adoption.

Adoption Journeys & Remaining Steadfast

While everyone can tell you that “God has a plan” and “Your time will come,” you won’t want to hear it. Your agency will call and let you know there are other birth mothers out there. Hope should always remain a prioirty in your process because the truth is that adoption is a marathon, whether we’d like it to be or not.

Once you receive the news that your adoption has failed, you must take time to grieve. You will need to experience all the stages of grief — anger, depression, denial, and finally acceptance. If you can, take some time off of work. Let friends, family and coworkers know that you don’t feel like answering any questions and you don’t want any advice right now. This is your time, not theirs.

At the end of the day, you have to handle things in your own way even if the people around you have your best interest at heart.

Adoption Preparations

When you are preparing for adoption and you are matched with a birth mother, failures can and do happen for all kinds of reasons. As excited as you are about matching, you should consider keeping all baby-shopping to a minimum. If you completely prepare for a baby boy and the match fails, you may then find that you could be matched with another birth mother who delivers a baby girl. This can quickly take a financial strain on you.

Never 100% prepare a nursery. Preparing for a nursery and personalizing items will make things harder if the adoption does not work out. Create a wishlist on amazon, once papers are signed, then hit send. The items will be to your home within a few days and you can have everything you need. Do not purchase clothing that is gender specific and do not purchase a lot of it. You will have plenty of time to purchase clothing once the baby is in your care. Try to place a hold on having a baby shower prior to bringing the baby home. If you wish to have a shower, do so after papers are signed and the baby is home with you. This again is simple advice to keep you from hemorrhaging stress on your wallet.

Other Considerations

Additional items you may want to consider are the actual naming of the baby and official, public baby announcements. If the first match should fail, are you going to be devastated if the name you chose cannot be used for another baby? If you announce the adoption publicly, you will have more people to explain the disappointment to. It’s easier emotionally the less people that know. Once the baby is in your care and papers have been signed, have a family photographer come and take pictures to announce your adoption.

Resuming The Adoption Process

You will likely be very cautious about resuming the adoption process if you have had a failed adoption. You may even become cynical about the majority of birth mothers out there due to your current situation. Beginning again is never fun, but it’s the hope that will get you across the finish line in the end!

It will be scary to face a new birth mother and, possibly, another failure. However, if you’re truly passionate to adopt, you must give yourself time to heal, then move forward. Do not punish the next birth mother for something someone else has done and go into every situation whole-heartedly believing that you will cross the finish line and your baby will come home where he or she belongs!

Contact Our Adoption Lawyers in Jacksonville at Love Adoption Life Today!

Our Adoption Lawyers in Jacksonville understand the stressed of failed adoptions. The process is definitely a marathon and we don’t want to tell you it won’t be. Transparency, belief and hope are the key to every adoption. When you place your faith in our Jacksonville adoption team here at Love Adoption Life, you are gaining access to the most empathetic adoption staff in Jacksonville and throughout all of Florida! Our staff has been there – so we completely understand where you are.

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